Attachment Theory
Good morning! Today we’re getting theoretical. We’re going to explore the basics of attachment theory and I’m going to do my best to not slip into jargon and help this become clearer, because for many therapists, myself included, this is such an important concept and it underpins the models we work from.
Coined by psychologist, John Bowlby, attachment theory concerns itself with the importance of being able to attach to a primary caregiver (typically a parent, but let’s be real, it’s 2019 and those that raise us are not always our parents. It’s okay. We can talk about it.) and its subsequent impact on our development. Attachment theory works to explain how we conceptualize safety and security which then informs our ability to take risks, explore the world around us (on a micro or macro scale), and how we respond to others.
Simplified, the way in which we attach to our primary caregiver and the way in which they are able (or not able) to meet our needs, impacts the way we find security and the things we feel we have to do to feel secure. Which makes sense. If your caregivers are able to meet your needs and make you feel safe and secure, you have time to spend on other pursuits and exploration because you’re not focused on creating that feeling of safety and security.
This sounds basic enough right? For example, baby is hungry, baby cries, primary caregiver feeds baby, baby feels safe and secure. How hard can it be? Well, if you are a parent or have ever seen someone care for someone else, then you know the answer is sometimes…very.
So let’s take a minute and look at what it might look like when children are less secure in their attachment. In a study conducted by Mary Ainsworth (who built on the original concepts put out by Bowlby) a cross section of children with different attachment to their caregivers were observed. These children’s attachments fell along a continuum of very strong to very weak. The children were then separated from their caregivers. It was observed that those children with stronger bonds and attachments were calmer, seeming to believe that their caregivers were going to return soon. Children on the other end of the spectrum appeared to be much more distressed and would demonstrate this until their caregivers returned. The demonstrative distress was in an effort to get the attention of their caregivers and restore that feeling of safety and security.
What might this look like in adulthood? Many securely attached and insecurely attached children grow up to adulthood. What is the impact there? In the 80s Hazan and Shaver looked at this. In their studies they looked at attachment in the context of adult couples. They found that when adults had weak attachments, they led to a lack of intimacy and, to various degrees, feelings of inadequacy for both partners. Alternatively, they found when attachments were overly strong, there was a higher likelihood of the couple having codependent tendencies. Their overall finding for healthy relationships were the couples that were able to balance intimacy with independence. Much in the same way that a securely attached child has a secure base in their caregiver and are free to explore the world, a securely attached adult has a secure base in their relationship and is free to explore their outside interests.
In the next few posts, we will explore the various kinds of attachment that can exist and what the implications are for you if you’re something other than securely attached (spoiler alert: You CAN shift your attachment style!).
