Processing Grief as a Parent
When I decided on this week’s and next week’s topics, it was 2019 and the pandemic was not yet a glimmer in our hearts. None of us could have known, and I certainly could not predict, how much grief and loss we would be experiencing as a society over the next year. How much this would be an ever present experience for us, our friends, our neighbors, and strangers on the street.
As parents, the biggest thing one would want for their kids is for them to be safe, happy, and healthy. How do you do that when you’re processing your own grief? How do you protect them from the big, ugly, emotions of the world?
1. Don’t feel like you need to hide away. It’s okay to have less then positive feelings in front of your children. It’s okay to talk about the fact that you feel sad (or frustrated, angry, shocked, scared…). You’re allowed to be honest with your kids about these things in an age appropriate way.
2. Mobilize your support system. Let people come and help you. Make you meals. Watch your kids. Take them to school. Change your sheets. Bring you groceries. Sometimes feelings (like grief) are really big and it’s hard to manage them by yourself. It’s okay for your kids to see you ask for help.
3. Make sure that your physical needs are being met (eat, sleep, exercise).
4. Express yourself emotionally. This can take a ton of forms. Journaling, artwork, music, meeting with a therapist.
5. Plan for your triggers. Talk about them with your kids if you feel comfortable doing so (for examples, “This time last year I lost your grandpa and I’m feeling a little extra sad right now. It’s okay to feel sad.”). Talk about them with your partner, loved ones, and support network. Let them know you may be feeling a little more fragile during certain experiences and let them support you.
As parents, so many feel like they have to hide their grief or be strong for their kids. The best thing you can do is process your feelings and help your kids see what grief means and how it may look. It does not have to be something hidden or shameful, it’s part of our human experience and it’s allowed to be witnessed.