Overcoming a Breakup
Breakups can be really hard. Oftentimes they bring up emotional stuff that maybe you thought you had put to bed ages ago. It puts you into a state of transition and even when it’s the absolute best decision for you, transition can be challenging. If you’re navigating a breakup, read on.
First, allow for time to process your feelings. Sometimes breakups feel like they’re out of nowhere and processing the shock of that and then subsequent feelings can take some time. There is no expectation that you’re going to feel great or ready to move on immediately. Processing can happen in a ton of ways, but two of my favorites are through journaling and conversations with trusted friends.
Secondly, don’t force feelings. Similar to grief in the face of death, you don’t always react in the way that you expect. Allow for whatever feelings that come to come. Maybe you actually feel some level of relief- that’s okay too. There is no rule book for how you’re supposed to feel. Remember, emotions are temporary. If you’re feeling truly awful, that’s not wild and it will not last forever. The more you force feelings whether they be of sadness or contentment, the longer this will last. Make room for the feelings, invite them in, and they will soon be on their way out.
Third, seek support. As I mentioned, a breakup creates a transition for you. You are going from partnered to unpartnered. It can feel weird and can create a total renegotiation of how you’re spending your time. Friends are great here, they can help fill that gap that is created and help you to come to a place where you’re living with this new normal. This does not mean that you have to keep talking about the ending of your relationship with your friends if you don’t want to, you can simply allow them to hold space for you while you process it in your own way. Allow people to be available to you should you need them.
Next, take responsibility for your role in the dissolution of your relationship. Relationships are systems and they respond to what the people in the system bring into them. What patterns were you upholding? Are there things that came up for you that you want to do differently? Every relationship will end until one doesn’t. Each of those help you to navigate what kind of partner you want to be and how you want to live out healthy love and connection.
If you find yourself perseverating on the dissolution of your relationship after what you deem “enough” time has passed, perhaps it’s time to consult a professional. Explore what is keeping you trapped in your thought patterns and preventing you from feeling like you’re allowed to move forward. I want to be clear here that it’s after whatever time period you decide is enough. There isn’t a timeline for how soon you need to feel better.
It’s okay to struggle some following a breakup. For many a breakup impacts several parts of their lives and isn’t necessarily something that they were planning on. Treat yourself with grace. If you’re finding navigating this especially challenging, click the button below and let’s talk about it.