Pulling Off an Interfaith Holiday Season (without hurt feelings)

              We’re officially in the holiday season! There are at least 57 holidays across cultures and beliefs between November 1st and January 1st. It can be an exciting time and also, if your beliefs differ from your partner or family, a potentially challenging time. This is going to be all about how you can pull off a  happy, healthy, connected, interfaith holiday season.

               So much of the work around having a positive holiday season when your beliefs and importance of holidays differs has less to do with the holidays themselves and so much more to do with mindset and commitment.

              First, the overarching name of the game is respect. Similar to the ways that we talk about empathy and validation, you do not have to agree that each holiday has the importance that your partner or family believes that it has, you do have to respect that in their reality it does. For example, you may be Pagan and have a very Christian family. You do not have to hold the belief that Christmas is truly representative of the birth of Christ. It’s not a fundamental belief that you hold. If you are celebrating Christmas with your very Christian family though, you do have to respect that that may be a belief that they hold. Alternatively, if you are very Christian and inviting your Pagan family member to celebrate Christmas with you, this is not your opportunity to evangelize and attempt to convert your family member. It’s a time to share traditions and time together.

              In a partnership, allow both of you to be represented. If you have holidays that are overlapping (frequently Passover and Easter will overlap or Hannukah and Christmas, I’m sure there are others), give both of your holidays time and attention. Ensure that neither partner feels like their holiday is swallowed up by the other. This may look a little different for each partner, but the common thread is that when you’re celebrating the traditions of your partner’s holiday- be all in. Don’t try to blend it with yours. Don’t try to make 1:1 comparisons. Let their holiday stand by itself.

              Explore what parts of each holiday is important to your partner. When we create our own families and partnerships, we bring pieces of our upbringing and create new, shared, traditions. What might it be like to share the important pieces with your partner? What kinds of feelings are you trying to evoke in your family’s holiday season? What contributes to that for both of you? Employ those experiences across the season.

              Finally, step outside your comfort zone. Being in an interfaith relationship or family means that not every holiday or every tradition is going to be familiar to you. Many might not be things you acknowledged or celebrated in your family. Be open to trying something new. You don’t have to share your partner’s religious beliefs to engage in their traditions. It’s not undoing your faith to respect your partner’s tradition.

              If this is something you’re struggling with as we enter into this season- then click the button below and let’s get the conversation started.