Rigid Boundaries and What That Means for Your Relationships
Boundaries are incredibly important to a person’s well-being. Oftentimes what boundaries look like are different person to person and it can be hard to figure out how open or not they should be.
If boundaries exist on a spectrum, rigid boundaries are on one end while diffuse boundaries on the opposite. Healthy boundaries exist directly in the middle of these two extremes.
Today we’re talking about rigid boundaries.
For those with rigid boundaries, “no” in both word and deed is the overarching theme.
How do you know that you have rigid boundaries? Well, there are a number of hallmarks that may ring true for you.
1. You feel lonely.
2. You feel like no one knows the “real” you because you won’t let them in
3. You don’t feel like you’re able to relate to others
Other people may perceive that you hold them at arm’s length and don’t let people get too close to you. I typically envision this as a person surrounded by a solid concrete wall.
An outsider might see this person as:
1. A perfectionist
2. A know-it-all- and tend to feel that the way they think things should be is self-evident
3. Jealous
4. Uncomfortable with the unfamiliar or unwilling to try something outside of their comfort zone
5. Not having intimate relationships
Rigid boundaries develop for a number of reasons but most commonly, people are held at a distance both physically and emotionally in order to avoid the opportunity and possibility of rejection. Additionally, there is an element of control. If a situation is controlled and the “rules” are set for everyone, then they know exactly what is expected of them in each situation. The trade-off is not having close, intimate, relationships or an expansive human experience.
Are boundaries pervasive?
Not necessarily. You may find that in some arenas of your life or in some relationships you have extremely rigid boundaries while in other arenas you may be overly diffuse, while in still others you’re able to navigate that grey middle.
If you’re in New York, Connecticut, or New Jersey, and find that you’re feeling that kind of disconnection from others and have difficulty breaking out of your comfort zone – and you want things to be different-click the button below! Boundaries are my favorite thing and I would be happy to help you get comfortable living in the grey.