Toxic Positivity

              In the past few years (or maybe decades at this point), the power of positive thinking has been touted as the most protective thing you can do against negative experiences in your life. This thinking has taken many forms (manifesting, anyone?). Can this thinking go too far though and actually be potentially damaging? Yes.

              The line between finding the positive, being grateful, and making the best of things and toxic positivity is a fine one. As we talked about in previous posts, gratitude has emotional benefits. Making the best of a situation also has emotional benefits. Where this has the potential to be damaging is the way that situations are spoken about interpersonally.

              When a family is a in a difficult season and a member of the family is minimizing the existence of that difficulty in lieu of being positive, it can leave partners and other family members feeling unseen, unheard, and invalidated. At it’s most damaging, toxic positivity can veer into gaslighting territory where the reality of a partner or family member is completely denied.

              The answer isn’t to wallow in the negative pieces of your situation either. Only viewing the negative and living in that space where everything is viewed through a “woe is us” lens, is also damaging and can damage your mental health and wellbeing by eating away at any feeling of hope.

              The answer to the line between finding the positive and toxic positivity is “and”. While brains love binaries, the world is a very grey space. Your experience is going to be full of “and”s and “both”s. Make space for the and!

              This situation is difficult (which validates what you’re all seeing, feeling, and experiencing) AND here are positive aspects or things we can do to make the best of it. We can acknowledge the pain AND the joy. Thinking back to the beginning of the pandemic, for many families that time was scary AND allowed them to spend more time together than they ever have before.

              This doesn’t mean that you have to shift everything into #blessed. It DOES mean that you’re making space for your humanity and the humanity of those around you. You can have struggles AND have joy.

              If you feel like your thinking is very black and white, and accessing the grey or that “and” space is difficult for you, click the button below and let’s work on some of that flexibility.