Boundaries

Bouuuuuuunnnnndarieeeeeeessss! My favorite thing!

This week we’re starting a four week series on boundaries. You’ve probably heard this bouncing around the wellness space in recent years, but how much do you feel like you know about boundaries?

Do you have rigid boundaries? Diffuse? What does that even mean?

Maybe, when you think about setting boundaries, you have a visceral reaction. A feeling of “ick” or “I couldn’t possibly”, or “that’s so fucking selfish”. Maybe, alternatively, you think of boundaries and you see walls. Maybe walls feel comfortable for you.

Perhaps, you are interested in boundaries, but you’re not even sure how to begin.

This is for you.

I like to conceptualize boundaries as the way you tell others to treat you. Oftentimes, before we delve into this work, we don’t really know when we’re setting boundaries, but we definitely know when they are being violated.

Your boundaries inform your relationships, your well-being, and what’s on your plate.

It sounds like it should be simple- and for some people, it is- but for many people being able to set boundaries and ensuring that they’re setting appropriate boundaries takes mindset work and practice.

Typically boundaries fall into three categories:

·        Healthy

·        Rigid

·        Diffuse

For each of these categories, there are certain beliefs that underlie them and are involved in their setting. Some of these are adaptive, and serving, many of them may have developed as something adaptive but no longer serve you.

Healthy boundaries allow information, attention, and care to be given and received. It can be compared to a picket fence. Sturdy, with even spacing in between.

Rigid boundaries are concrete walls. Nothing gets in. Nothing flows back out. Boundaries are used as armor.

Diffuse boundaries are a torn down fence. Everyone and everything is connected. There is no decision around how much you give or receive, you simply give and receive everything.

In the coming weeks we’ll get into both rigid and diffuse boundaries and how they can be adjusted to something more healthy and what that mindset work looks like.

If you struggle with setting boundaries or loosening your boundaries and you’re located in New York, contact me. This is something that is so intensely important for your life and I would be more than happy to walk with you through this work.