How Do You Cope With Stress

Coping is a concept that is often spoken about or referenced and often not wholly understood. Coping refers to the ways that we tolerate, minimize and deal with the stress and individual stressors that crop up throughout our lives.

That said, not all coping skills are inherently healthy.

Things like using various substances (drugs, alcohol, food) to numb, taking a nap not to rest, but rather to avoid, impulse buying to get those nice feel-good chemicals going, are all coping skills, however they’re not necessarily the healthiest and they’re not always the most sustainable. We engage in them because they work and they work reasonably quickly. As humans, we don’t tolerate discomfort or stress very well and we’re often on the search for a quick fix. These all fall under that category. Another coping skill that is often turned to, but actually does not serve anyone is venting. (Interesting coming from a therapist when pop-culture would have you believe that venting is a big part of a therapy—pop culture is wrong). Venting serves to keep you in the same level of emotional arousal or even higher as you continue to ruminate on whatever issue is creating stress for you.

So given that oftentimes we turn to quick-fix, not-so-healthy coping skills, and the point is to stop feeling our stress, then what is the point of using coping skills that take a little longer?

Well, healthy coping skills come with myriad benefits. Not only, do healthier coping skills help to reduce the impact of the immediate stressor that you’re facing but they also tend to create healthy habits that can reduce your reactivity to stress and stressful situations in the future. You can use them proactively when you foresee things that tend to derail you to help keep you grounded which is invaluable when it comes to managing stress and stressful situations.

Below you’ll find a list of healthy coping skills:

·        Exercise- some studies have found that exercise has the same effect on depression as low-dose antidepressants, how far that research extends in neither here nor there, but a little exercise at can’t hurt!

·        Write in a journal- you don’t have to write pages upon pages, it can simply be helpful to write a few lines that take your feelings out of the body and onto the page. Once they’re written they tend to have less impact within the body.

·        Draw/Collage/Work with clay- using creative energy can be a good way to process feelings

·        Snuggle a pet!- this can help regulate your breathing and help you to put your focus elsewhere.

·        Work on establishing boundaries- sometimes we’re stressed because we’re allowing others to repeatedly unknowingly cross our boundaries, take responsibility for re-establishing them.

·        Get out in nature- there has been a tremendous buzz around forest bathing and the positive impact on our mental health

·        Start/maintain a meditation or yoga practice- this benefits both the body and the brain

·        Learn how to ask for support!- This can be from friends, family or professionals

·        Engage in a hobby- this will be different for different people but maybe you like to read, maybe you like to knit, maybe you like to play video games, maybe you’re a musician maybe you like to cook or bake. Taking some time to keep up with your hobbies can help you cope with other, more stressful situations.

·        Do some kind of grooming that makes you feel good and can help you engage mindfully (put on lotion, sit with a facemask, do your hair or nails, take a bath)

·        Disengage from inherently stressful things- Turn off notifications for your work email when you’re not in a position to manage work stuff (like when you’re at home with your family!)

·        Practice breathing exercises- 3 breaths in a minute is a good one

·        Walk away- Take time to leave a stressful situation to practice self-soothing, return when you’re more regulated.

·        Go through a round of progressive muscle relaxation- toes to head or head to toes you can go up and down your body as many times as you need—this is excellent if you’re stress is keeping you awake at night

·        Drink a glass of water or a cup of tea- the ritual of this can make you slow down and allows your brain to return to a rational place

·        Take time to create and listen to a feel-good playlist- keep this saved on your phone so you can easily access it

·        Identify what can actually be solved and get into effective problem solving to shift what’s happening so that the stressor does not become chronic.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself if the things on this list don’t speak to you or don’t align with what you know works for you. There are as many coping skills as there are people and what works for your friend/mom/cousin/therapist-on-the-internet may not work for you.

Talk to me in the comments! What kinds of coping skills do you engage in? What do find works best for you?