Being a parent in the age of COVID19
First, companies started slowly working from home. Just as soon as that started to become the norm and couples were figuring out how to share their space to do that, then the schools closed.
Don’t misunderstand me. I think both of those things were the right call when it comes to slowing the spread of COVID19. I also know that it’s creating unexpected challenges for many parents, from trying to get their own work done, to feeling pressure to home-school their children, it’s a very difficult time. This is not just like summer vacation when everyone is home. Because not only is everyone not at school/work, they are for the most part confined to the house. And there are still school and work expectations. Stuff still has to run.
Parents, here are a few tips for how you can manage your own sanity during this time:
· Structure and Scheduling are your friends- Now, you don’t have to be a strict disciplinarian, but having a general structure that you and your kids can follow for mealtimes, school times, and after school can be helpful in maintaining both their behavior and yours.
· It’s okay to let the tv watch your kids for an hour- Assuming your children are old enough to not need direct supervision every moment of every day, it’s okay to set them up with a tv show or movie and take that time to go into your own space (maybe your bedroom, maybe the bathroom) and take a few minutes for yourself. Parents do not cease to be people and now is no different. Some people get their energy from being around others, some get it from being alone. If you need a few minutes, you’re allowed to have a few minutes. It also models to your children that everyone can do their own things for a little while (including parents) and it’s okay.
· Not every activity has to be in support of learning- In my conversations with others, I’ve been seeing a lot of parents feeling pressure to have a litany of activities for their children to engage in that are both fun and educational. Having some activities that support their learning is great. Having some free play is also great. Doing something just because it’s fun and you all want to is also great. You don’t have to become ‘round the clock schooling.
· It’s okay to set boundaries around your workspace- Again, assuming your children are old enough to not need direct supervision every moment, it’s okay to have spaces that they are not invited to. For example, say your spouse is using the home office and you are set up at your dining room table; it’s okay to set a boundary with your children that if the office door is closed and it the computer on the table is open, that they are not invited to interrupt that space unless they are specifically invited in, someone is hurt, or the house is on fire. This not only helps save your sanity, but also models to them the importance of personal space and boundaries and that they are a normal part of life, not the result of overwhelm or anger.
· It’s okay to acknowledge that things are different- There is tremendous pressure to be totally cool for your kids right now. And yes, you don’t want to be acting like your hair is on fire, and you don’t want to be a total ball of tension and panic (see general tips for managing yourself during COVID19), however, kids are aware. They know that what’s happening right now is different. They may have questions. It’s okay to acknowledge that things are different and that maybe that’s a little scary for them. It’s okay to reassure them that no matter what you’re going to take care of them.
I’m sure there are myriad more tips we could come up with but we’re going to stop here for now. Families, talk to me below about the things that you have found work for you! I think it’s always important to share resources, but now more than other.
If you’re a parent and you’re struggling with how to talk to your kids about this or you find your emotions playing out in your family in ways that are not healthy or productive, give me a call. We’ll process through this together.