Coronavirus and Cohabitation
Where are all my couples?! Maybe you’re retired and you’ve lived together for year. Maybe you just signed your first lease together on March first. No matter where you fall on that spectrum, we’re all experiencing unprecedented amounts of…togetherness as we get through COVID-19.
You love your partner, right? And you want to still love them when this is over, right? Let’s get in to some ways that you can preserve your relationship while spending time and sharing (sometimes small) space with your beloved.
· Maintain Separate Work Spaces- If you’re fortunate enough to be working right now, you’re obviously doing it from home. That means creating a workspace. That’s tough enough when you’re doing it for one person, it becomes way more so when you’re doing it for two. Here in NYC many of us are not lucky enough to have extra space so I know when I say use your home office on a rotating basis (which is what me and my husband are doing based upon who needs more privacy). So another way to do this is to take up different sides of your breakfast/dining table. Have a chair and spot that is uniquely yours so you don’t have to worry about your work taking up your partner’s space. Your partner should do the same. Do not take over all of the common spaces. You guys still need to space to just go and “be” where you won’t be encroaching on someone else’s space.
· Redefine your rituals of connection- Many people are feeling a disruption of their regular weekly rituals like date nights and exploring their neighborhoods. Adjust and Adapt. Maybe now you’re able to have coffee together in the morning. Try to take lunch breaks together. Cook new meals together (we’re all getting some weird groceries, so get creative!). Make sure you’re ending your work day at a regular time so that you’re not constantly tiptoeing around one another trying to get work done.
· Don’t be afraid to tell your partner that you want a couple of hours to yourself. You can use this time in whatever way you choose. There is no expectation that now every moment that you’re not working that you’re together engaging in the same activities. Maybe you want to read. Maybe you want to play some solo video games. Maye you want to call some friends and check on them. That is totally okay. The only expectation here is that you communicate this to your partner and ensure that they know this is not a rejection of them; that this is about you needing some solo time to reenergize yourself.
· Use the Gottman card decks app! Some of you may be freaking out about what you’re going to talk about after being in the same space for days/weeks on end. The Gottman card decks app is free and offers open ended questions that can strengthen your understanding of your partner and grow your love maps.
· Continue to do the components of the six hours A few weeks ago we went into detail around the Gottman six hours to a better relationship. Being home is no excuse to stop showing appreciation, affection, having partings and reunions to define the start and finish of your work day, and creating space for some time that’s just for the two of you where you’re giving one another focused attention.
Bottom line, create new rituals of connection, keep being kind, don’t be afraid to set boundaries when you need some space. We will all get through this together!
If you and your partner are struggling with this more than you expected to. Meet me on the virtual couch by clicking the button below and let’s learn some skills together to help this be a little bit easier.