What Does Psychological Abuse Look Like?

Coming up this week in our series on the different types of abuse and how they show up in relationships, we have psychological or mental abuse.

Psychological abuse is my preferred term and that’s what I’m going to use throughout this post.

Psychological abuse is very closely related to verbal and emotional abuse. The field is split on whether or not psychological abuse should be its own category or if it’s actually a subset of verbal abuse. I choose to give it it’s own post because I find that the methods used to psychologically abuse someone are incredibly insidious and many victims do not realize it’s happening or what it’s actually called until they are able to get some space from it. It needs to be highlighted.

So we’re highlighting it here.

At this point you may be asking, what exactly is psychological abuse? Psychological abuse refers to anything that is said/done/used to distort the reality of the victim. Gaslighting is a very common tactic used to psychologically abuse someone.

What is gaslighting? Gaslighting is a form of “psychological manipulation in which a person or group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual making them question their own memory, perception or judgement… in an attempt to destabilize the victim and delegitimize their belief.”.

How is this accomplished? Gaslighting can be accomplished through myriad ways including denial of an event of experience, misdirection, contradiction, and/or misinformation.

Why? Like other forms of abuse, psychological abuse is a power move made by the abuser to put themselves at a level above their victim. In this particular type it is by making the victim feel crazy.

How might one feel if they’re being psychologically abused? This is important because many who psychologically abuse their victims can be very convincing. Abusers are charming and have done their leg work to make you feel like you can trust them. Some ways that you may feel that could signal you’re being psychologically abused include:

·        Confused or indecisive

·        Emotionally exhausted or anxious

·        Insecure

·        Unsure

·        Incapable

If you think that you may be being psychologically abused, like other forms of abuse, it is very important to secure your own safety. Call the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or chat with them online to find additional resources at thehotline.org/help/

I strongly encourage anyone who has been the victim of psychological abuse, or any other kind of abuse to seek support. You do not have to go through this alone.