What is emotional abuse?

This week we’re talking about Verbal or Emotional abuse. This is the last of the commonly discussed types of abuse that occur in intimate relationships. But if you’ve been following along with me, you know we’re only halfway through our journey and it is extremely important that you stick with me.

Verbal and emotional abuse differs from the yelling that occurs during a typical argument. It can be a regular form of communication in the relationship. It is calculated and mean-spirited and can sometimes bleed into other forms of abuse.

We didn’t teach our kids the right thing when we told them “sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you”. Words hurt. Words create the messages that we receive and the messages that we receive in turn create our world and our belief system.

Common forms of verbal abuse include:

·        Name Calling

·        Condescension

·        Manipulation

·        Criticism

·        Demeaning Comments

·        Threats

·        Blame

·        Accusation

·        Withholding

·        Gaslighting

·        Circular Arguments

·        Trivializing

·        Undermining

·        “Jokes”

All of these are done in an attempt to make the victim feel smaller and less than. They are a power move by the abuser.

And when hierarchies of power like this exist, a real relationship cannot simultaneously exist.

What can you do if you’re being verbally or emotionally abused in your relationship?

There are really only two options

1.       Set boundaries

a.       Boundaries show people how they can treat you.

2.       Break up and cut all ties.

a.       Many abusers will continue to abuse. They will continue to cross your boundaries. To preserve your health and well-being the healthiest thing that you can do is extricate yourself from your abuser.

For more resources, check out the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or chat with them to find additional resources at thehotline.org/help/