Traditional, Egalitarian, or Counter-Conventional?

Whether you’re in a marriage or cohabiting relationship where you’re living together have you ever thought about the way that your relationship is structured?

There are three primary structures for either marriages or cohabiting relationships. These are: traditional, egalitarian, or counter-conventional. Both traditional and egalitarian are considered more common but for our purposes, we’re going to explore all three.
I think it’s also important to note that most of this research has centered on heterosexual, cisgender, couples, it would definitely be interesting to see how structures play out or change when looking at same-sex couples so just be mindful of this as you read through this to know that these concepts may not be fully universal!

Let’s define each of these categories.

Traditional relationships-
Traditional relationships are defined as relationships in which partners fulfill roles based upon their gender and stereotypical role expectations. Simply stated, traditional relationships tend to follow the framework that suggests couples function best when the male partner works outside of the home and is the “provider” while the female partner takes on the role of homemaker and covers the majority of childcare duties. In this type of structure, there is typically a hierarchy that emerges with male partners having more power in the relationship which is evidenced by their being the final authority on major decisions. This dynamic was extremely common prior to 1960 and still persists in some relationships today. (Morrill 2006).

Egalitarian relationships- Unsurprisingly, coinciding with the rise of feminism and women entering the workforce as a norm and not as a response to wartime shortages of men, the egalitarian relationship started to emerge in the 60s. One major hallmark of this type of relationship is having partners be dual earners. Although this is one major hallmark of this type of relationship structure, it’s not the only hallmark with ~60% of the population now being dual earners, we know that that same amount of couples do not meet criteria to be considered egalitarian relationships. Other hallmarks include a division of household labor and an equal sharing of decision making responsibilities. These relationships typically do not fall into a hierarchical structure. Additionally, role sharing in these relationships is not always split 50/50, it is more based upon who is available to fill a role as it comes up rather than what sex or gender may stereo-typically dictate (Morrill 2006).

Counter-Conventional relationships- The third and least common relationship structure is the counter-conventional. This structure is very similar to traditional relationships in that one partner is typically responsible for being a provider while the other is responsible for childcare and homemaking. They also typically have a hierarchical relationship with the economic resources translating into greater power and decision making within the relationship. The key difference between this is that this role is not dependent on stereotyped gender roles and instead is completely flipped with the female partner being the primary breadwinner and the male partner taking on the home and childcare responsibilities.

Why does this matter in life? In therapy?

In life, it matters that you and your partner are on the same page about the kind of relationship you want to have. This is a fundamental and foundational piece of your relationship. If one partner learns traditional and the other leans egalitarian, that can be very difficult to reconcile on your own.

Why might this matter in therapy? Speaking for myself as a therapist, I like to evaluate where my couples are in terms of their relationship structure. I think it’s important as we’re doing the work to be able to work within the framework that the couple has agreed upon. For example, in pre-marital couples or couples who are deciding to become more serious, a conversation to be had in and/or out of session is around what they believe and want in terms of structure to ensure that both partners are walking in to the next stage of their relationship with their eyes wide open. For established couples, your therapist wants to know what your values are and how to best work within them. For any couple who is looking to change or is unsure of how they want to structure their relationship, we can provide you with education around the benefits of each category and provide you with resources on the reported relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, and other relationship statistics of each type.

A big fear people have about entering therapy, especially couples therapy, is that the therapist is going to be pushing an “agenda” on them. No therapist is supposed to impose their own values on a given client. It’s not about how we would do it or what we think is right, it’s about what works for you and to help you optimize your relationship within that boundary.

If you’re having a hard time with your partner on figuring out what kind of relationship you have or even how to talk about the kind of relationship you want. Reach out to me below and let’s work together.