To Be Vulnerable
This topic comes up with almost every client I’ve ever worked with. It has gotten a lot of buzz and lip service over the past several years and has wormed its way into common vernacular, and still seems to be a topic that many people don’t totally understand. We’re revisiting vulnerability- what is it, how do you practice it, who do you trust with it and how does it relate to other mental health and wellbeing concepts.
Let’s begin at the beginning- What is vulnerability? The dictionary defines vulnerability as the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. When we see a dog or cat asleep with their belly exposed, they’re being physically vulnerable. When a person chooses to share important, personal, emotions, they’re setting themselves up to be potentially emotionally vulnerable.
How does one practice vulnerability? There’s not an easy path to vulnerability. All paths involve taking risk. You are risking that your truth will be treated with respect and care. You are doing the sometimes scary work of looking inside yourself and identifying what your truth is. What DO you feel? And then sharing the results of that. You make it a priority to risk being known by those around you.
Who do you trust with your vulnerability? NOT EVERYONE. Not everyone is worthy of your vulnerability. Because definitionally, vulnerability is opening you up to the possibility of being harmed, you want to be careful with who you allow yourself to be vulnerable with. You want to build trust and rapport. You want to see that the people you’re hoping to be vulnerable with can be empathic and validating. That they care about your truth even if it’s a hard truth. Not everyone is going to be that person. That doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with them or with your relationship with them, it just means that the depth of knowing and connection that comes with vulnerability has not been deemed safe enough yet. You can build this.
Vulnerability, how and with whom you access it has a strong intersection with boundaries. In the same way that healthy boundaries are flexible and, like a picket fence, allow some things in and out, so too is your vulnerability. Your boundaries going to inform who you risk being vulnerable with. Some people, situations, or relationships require more of a wall where others allow for more free flow. And, as with boundaries, you do not want to be all flow or all wall. Both of those extremes leave you in a bad situation- either ripe for harm, or emotionally isolated. Learning how to identify and set appropriate boundaries can help you identify where it is safer or safe enough to risk vulnerability.
Vulnerability can be tricky to enter into and trickier still to master. Due to the inherent risk, we all make missteps and have to navigate how to continue feeling safe to risk after coming back from that. With all of the misinformation and generalities floating around regarding vulnerability, it’s no wonder people feel at a loss! If you’re struggling with allowing yourself to be vulnerable or find yourself being harmed by your willingness to be vulnerable and are feeling challenged in knowing what to do next, click the button below and let’s talk about it.