Community Creation
As a society, we are lonelier than ever. Millennials and Gen Z are the loneliest generations with 54% of Gen Z and 51% of Millennials reporting feeling regularly lonely. Loneliness and feeling isolated can cause your mental health to take a massive hit. Brene Brown put it best when she stated that “we are wired for connection”. Neuroscience supports this! Mirror neurons in the brain are actually stimulated when we interact with others. Our brains are constantly seeking out ways to connect. And connection is the antidote to loneliness.
One of the biggest ways to feel connected and to feel belonging is to establish community. I know this can sound like a tall order when you’ve felt consumed with loneliness. The good news is that there are a number of ways to do this ranging from lower to higher emotional risk. (I’m not going to bullshit you and say it’s no risk, when you’ve felt lonely, any kind of putting yourself out there can feel at least a little risky).
Let’s start with the higher risk ways of forming community. If you’re feeling like you’re in an emotional space where you can handle the risk of lots of social visibility and the potential for rejection, start here!:
· Champion a cause!- are there ideas that you care a lot about but you’re not finding anything in your area established to address it? Start one! Give flyers to businesses advertising it, talk about it in area social media groups, tell any friends and family that you have local to you!
· Start a group for a hobby! Are your hobbies kind of solo things? Would you like to meet other people who also like your hobbies? Start a group. You can post your group on meetup and put it out into the social media world. Find a place that feels comfortable for you to host it.
Medium risk ways of forming community also exist. If starting something or being a leadership position is not for you. Or if you don’t feel emotionally prepared to try to get something off the ground. Or if your fears around whether it will work or not feel too big, read on:
· Identify the kind of community you would like to be a part of and befriend someone who seems well connected in that space. Nurture that one relationship and ask them to introduce you around.
· Attend a networking event! This is often professional, but professional communities are still communities. This is medium risk because you do have to show up and be prepared to talk about yourself, but often these are open ended and you’re free to leave at any point without difficulty.
· Be vulnerable with your current friends and family near and far and ask them for ideas. Often times we have access to networks and communities and we don’t even realize it because we don’t let anyone know that we’re looking for it. If you have a trusted friend or a trusted family member, talk about how you’re feeling and see if that have anything that they know of or are a part of that they can connect you to.
If all of these seem terrifying and you’ve been feeling isolated for a very long time, lower risk ways of finding community are for you. Give these a read and see how you feel:
· Ritualize your current friendships. If you feel like you have friends but don’t see them regularly or are not feeling nurtured, co-create a ritual at a level you can both commit to. Weekly gatherings, monthly dinners, quarterly hangs. Commit to this and plan the next one at each one to give you something to both look forward to and to have regularity around that you can trust and count on it.
· Browse existing online communities. The internet is much maligned but has the potential to be a great resource for community! Discord, reddit, facebook, and Instagram all offer ways to connect with other people from anywhere. Not having to start in person may (for the time being) feel safer in starting to establish connection. There are communities for almost anything you can be interested in. Any hobby you’ve ever thought of, there are people out there talking about it. There are discord channels where people are talking about things ranging from popular or unpopular video games to American Girl Dolls and pop culture. There is a space for you.
· Another step up, that can start from home and eventually move to in person would be apps like bumble friends and others that act as a friendship matchmaker. You get to browse profiles and have text conversations before committing to putting yourself out there in person and meeting up.
· If you’re feeling safe to go in person, browse meetup or your area social media groups and see what hobbies that you’re already interested in have existing groups that meetup. If needed contact that point of contact for those groups and get information on where and how to show up. Then show up! You already have something in common with the people you’re seeing which already establishes a loose tie of community and belonging.
Community is hugely important and whether you’re ready to be leading the way or need to dip a toe in, making steps to be a part of a community has numerous benefits for your mental health including being a protective agent against depression. If you’re struggling with forming community, click the button below. We’ll talk about the emotional roadblocks that are getting in the way for you and help get you on your way to feeling more connected and foster that belonging.