The Power of Ritual
When people think of ritual, many people think of religion. Religions across the globe are full of and often defined by ritual. But ritual is more than that. Ritual can also be the morning walk you take with your dog, family dinners on Sunday evenings, an elaborate pre-game behavior while gearing up to watch your team, your daily tea (or, okay, coffee) or even taking comfort in your daily local news. Rituals create anchor points and, in a world where it is so easy to feel untethered, these anchor points can be remarkably healing.
Rituals create opportunities for grounding. Often times when I’m working with clients, especially with anxiety, depression, or trauma, ritual is used to help ground. There are thousands of grounding exercises out there and something that you’ll notice is that they all have some element of counting, rhythm, or focal point (internal or external). Essentially, when grounding, you’re looking to ritualize behavior. It becomes something that your body knows how to “do” to come back to baseline. For instance, if you’re someone who experiences significant anxiety and especially if your anxiety has a physiological component (hello not feeling like you can get a deep breath! Hello feeling like you’re crawling out of your skin! Hello temperature fluctuations!), a regular practice of meditation (a ritual of meditation if you will), creates grounding. It brings you back into your body. It reregulates your breathing, It takes you out of your head.
Rituals promote intention. You can certainly rush through your rituals. I know a number of people who can create their morning beverage of choice with little thought, in the dark, and under two minutes. However, if you’re looking to use ritual for healing, move with intention. Using that morning beverage example, if I’m moving with intention, I’m not oversteeping my tea, dumping in a truckload of sugar and calling it a day. I’m setting the kettle to the correct temperature, I’m warming the pot, I’m using the tea timer to ensure that it’s steeping appropriately. I’m choosing a mug that best depicts how I want to feel (we’re the masters of the inspiration mug in this family, but really if you’re in the market go check out Sara at steadyandflight.com), measuring the half and half and measuring the sugar a teaspoon at a time. I’m noticing the way that the tea changes color as it meets the cream I’m paying attention to the aroma and the briskness of that first sip. I’m taking it all in. It has now become ritual rather than utilitarian. Moving with intention also creates space for noticing- noticing your behavior, noticing your feelings, noticing sensations in your body, and noticing your responses. As you take notice, you also become aware of your patterns and awareness is an amazing tool to start spurring on change.
Rituals create connection and shared meaning. So much of mental health challenges and relationship challenges and life challenges is the seemingly endless feeling of isolation. Rituals can be used to directly combat isolation and foster connection and shared meaning. If you remember the series a few months back on the Gottman sound relationship house, shared meaning is one of the pivotal floors of creating and maintaining a solid relationship. Ritual can provide the opportunity to create that. Rituals of connection are instrumental in maintaining romance and a well-connected relationship. In my own life, my husband and I have rituals that are both grand and micro. On the micro side, when our schedules allow us to have dinner together, we set the table and eat at the table rather than in front of the tv. It creates a container for us to be able to connect about our days, express curiosity, give each other the opportunity to teach one another something, and to learn something new about one another. This small almost daily ritual creates a predictable opportunity to be together and to not be isolated. On a more macro scale, national holidays that come with traditional foods or celebrations also help to create rituals that allow you to feel you’re a part of a community. This too serves to combat isolation.
Finally, ritual allows you the opportunity to romanticize and fall in love with your own life. We are constantly inundated with images of people “living their best lives”. We’re given regular access to the highlight reel others are living. By utilizing ritual and moving with intention, allowing yourself to be connected to others and grounding into the present, you also have the opportunity to notice your own beautiful life. You have the ability to appreciate the way that the light comes in through the window. You can see the vignette that is created as you enjoy a beverage on your sofa. You can take pride in the details. The more you fall in love with your own life, the less susceptible you are to FOMO and resentment.
Ritual is not a cure-all and, like all things, can certainly be utilized in a way that becomes unhealthy. However, when used appropriately and as part of a greater treatment plan, it has the power to transform your life. If you’re curious about ritual and the role that ritual can play in your life, click the button below and let’s have a conversation.