So You’re Upset About Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is coming up! This is a holiday that is super polarizing in the general public. For those that aren’t feeling great about the holiday and don’t really know how to manage those feelings and this day, this post is for you.
Make space for your complicated feelings. Holidays bring stuff up for people. As I’ve stated in previous posts, we get inundated with messaging about how holidays *should* be, Valentine’s Day included which can create unrealistic expectations for the holiday. When your holiday is not matching how you’ve been told it’s supposed to be, make room for that feeling.
IGNORE THE RULES. There are actually no rules about how holidays have to be. Valentine’s Day was started as a saint’s day and was actually acknowledging a pretty gruesome experience. It was then commodified by capitalism. And if capitalism can change the feel of the holiday, SO. CAN. YOU. If you don’t mind the holiday, but aren’t feeling like it’s a year you can manage a grand gesture, talk about those expectations with your partner. Set actual expectations together and decide what feels right for you rather than falling victim to how it’s “supposed” to be.
If this is a particularly triggering holiday for you, you are free to avoid your trigger. You can opt to stay off social media and hang out at home if that feels better for you. Acknowledge that this is a trigger for you and allow yourself gentleness. You may not yet be ready to pass the candy aisle or see the highlight reel that plays out on the internet. That’s okay! Be kind to yourself. This is how you are feeling this year. This may not be how you feel forever.
Change the narrative around the holiday. If romantic love is not something that you either have in this season of your life or is not the sole love priority for you on this holiday, chose to acknowledge the other loves in your life. One of the best things to happen to this holiday was Parks and Rec’s Leslie Knope creating Galentine’s Day to celebrate the female friendships in her life. Feel free to take this idea or any other to acknowledge other than romantic love. Maybe you make this a day about self-love and do things that nurture you. Harkening back to point two, there are no rules.
Don’t feel pressured to celebrate this in a way that doesn’t feel right for you. Referring back to points one and two, there are no rules and there’s no right way to do this. When it comes to navigating this with your partner, yes, speak up if this is important to you and make requests of how this can be celebrated, but also know that this is not a space for demands. Engaging in expectation setting conversations can help avoid pitfalls and help both of you express what feels right for you and why. This can help to remove the potential pressure of the holiday. If people outside of your relationship and putting pressure on you about how it should be- set a boundary. This isn’t their relationship or life. You can acknowledge this holiday in whatever feels right.
Finally, feel free to totally ignore the holiday. If you’re not partnered and not feeling great about it, don’t celebrate it. Treat it like you would any of the various made up holidays that we have an opt out as you please. If you are partnered and you’re not feeling great, talk to your partner about potentially not celebrating the holiday as part of your expectation setting conversation.