Let’s Talk About Consent

Let’s talk about consent.

In the past few years, the conversation around sexual consent has changed rapidly for the better. What used to be summed up with “listen when someone says no” has now shifted to be “if it’s not an enthusiastic “YES”, it’s a no”.

Let’s dig into this.

Beginning at the beginning, what is consent?

Consent is an verbal, freely communicated, affirmative, agreement to participate in sexual activity. It helps demonstrate boundaries and helps partners navigate one another’s boundaries respectfully.

Cool. Can anyone provide consent?

Sort of.

Look back at that definition, “freely communicate” is a key part of this definition. If someone cannot freely communicate, they cannot provide consent. And if they cannot provide consent, sexual activity is OFF the table.

What might prevent someone from freely communicating?

There are a few very obvious examples:

If your would-be sexual partner is underage, they cannot give consent.
If your would-be sexual partner is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, they cannot give consent.
If your would-be sexual partner is asleep or otherwise unconscious, they cannot give consent.
If your would-be sexual partner is being threatened or coerced, any agreement is not considered consent.
If your sexual partner is a subordinate outside of your sexual activities, they cannot give consent.

IF THEY CANNOT GIVE CONSENT, YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX WITH THEM.

Okay, so now you know what it is and when it can’t happen but like…what is it REALLY?

At its simplest, consent is communication and respect around boundaries. Sexual behavior is a series of different behaviors, one “yes” is not a blanket yes to every behavior or every encounter. Consent is agreement around one specific behavior in one specific instance. So when you’re checking about each progressive behavior during each and every encounter to make sure you’re both into it and wanting to do each thing, you’re communicating your boundaries.

Remember that you are always free to withdraw your consent or not provide your consent. It’s about YOUR boundaries and what YOU want to do.

SO remember everyone, if you’re not getting an enthusiastic, affirmative, “yes”, then it’s a no. And you should not pursue the issue further.

In case it’s not abundantly clear, this video is a great illustration of consent: