Sexual Abuse in Romantic Relationships
When we talk about sexual abuse, most peoples’ minds go immediately to children and other vulnerable populations. And that’s one way of viewing it. What many people often miss is that sexual abuse can occur in the context of intimate relationships.
Sexual abuse in intimate relationships does not only encompass unwanted penetrative sex. It is not only referring to intercourse. Sexual abuse refers to any unwanted sexual activity. This can mean unwanted touching. This can also mean rape.
Sexual abuse is sexual assault.
It was only in the 1970s that marital rape or spousal rape was made illegal so there is a lot of conflicting information out there around what does or does not constitute sexual abuse.
I am here to make this very clear.
Your body is your body. You do not owe anyone anything ever.
Connecting this to the cycle of abuse, any of this unwanted activity would be that stage two “incident”. Examples of what reconciliation may look like include things we’ve all heard in the news, “you didn’t say “no”’, “you were asking for it”, “you owe me”.
It’s easy to look at these statements and think “of course that’s bullshit”. And it is. However it can be a little bit difficult to tease that out when you’re the one in the situation. It discounts the relationship that exists and the times that are good during stage four “calm”. Try to not get sidetracked by the things that happen during the calm. Calm can be lovely and charming, and calm can promise many things that are not delivered. They do not make up for the incident and do not justify their actions.
Like physical abuse, sexual abuse is illegal.
It is unacceptable.
It is not your fault.
It is not an expression of love.
If this is something you’re experiencing in your relationship, the most important thing is to ensure your safety. Call the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or chat with them to find additional resources at thehotline.org/help/