Sharing Fondness and Admiration

Welcome to the second floor! This floor explores sharing fondness and admiration for your partner. Many couples forget that this is important. I cannot count the number of times I’ve heard “of course they know how I feel about them!” both in and out of the therapy room with long term couples.

Of course, for many couples, once upon a time, this was easy. This was frequently and fervently shared. During that initial burst of attraction, many partners have no problem sharing with one another what they find really great about one another. It’s part of what brings us together.

But what about years later?

How do you ensure that you’re actively keeping up with process and not just letting it fall to assumption? I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, your relationship is like a plant. If you don’t nurture it, it will die. Expressing fondness and admiration for your partner is part of this nurturance.

First, make it a routine. Ensure that you’re spending at least five minutes per day sharing your appreciation, admiration, and fondness for you partner. Use examples from your day to day.

Second, get specific. Don’t default to just the “I love you” or “You’re pretty”. Go into “I really appreciate how you ____” or “I find your ____ really attractive” or “I really admire your ability to _____”.

I promise you, your partner will enjoy hearing these things. If it has been a while, don’t be surprised if they don’t totally know how to react at first. Accepting admiration or compliments is its own skill. Don’t assume they know how you feel. Many partners who are not in this habit individually express that they know their partner once thought they were x, y, or z or once thought that x, y, or z was cool about them, but that certainty diminishes. Hell, there’s even an entire love language dedicated to words of affirmation so for a whole subset of people you may be loving them the best they can be loved by expressing these sentiments to them.

If this is a struggle for you or it has been SO long that you don’t even know where to begin, give me a call. Let’s get you guys set up for success.