Practicing Gratitude Without Engaging in Toxic Positivity
The idea of gratitude or a practice of gratitude has gained traction over the past several years and amidst all of the blog posts and web wellness experts, what that actually means or how that might happen has gotten a little lost.
At this time of year, when both Canada and the United States celebrate their respective Thanksgivings (problematic though these holidays are), gratitude is brought to the forefront. Some families have a holiday practice of going around the table and expressing what they are thankful for, but practicing gratitude is more than just picking an overarching theme or target of the year and deciding that’s the only thing that brought gratitude.
Gratitude as a practice is a daily habit. How might someone create a practice of gratitude? Much of creating this practice begins with creating awareness. Many of us go through our lives without noticing. We are not aware of our own thoughts and feelings unless something monumental happens. Gratitude is not always about the monumental. There is gratitude to be found in the every day. So to start, one must begin noticing the things that are happening around you. What do you notice that creates a twinge in you? What are you pleased to see? What small thing might have had an impact on your day?
Something that can support this noticing is building a container to think about what you might be grateful for. Many people find success in journaling their gratitude. The act of journaling and the prompt of gratitude creates the container. Knowing that you’re going to be writing this helps to keep the seeking of things to be grateful for top of mind. It’s a way to hold yourself accountable.
What kinds of things might someone be grateful for? This differs widely from one person to the next. There are no rules as to where you might notice gratitude. Sometimes it will be in the big things- a promotion that allows you to follow your passion, the real estate agent who walked you through the process of buying your perfect home, the opportunity to follow an experience that has been on your bucket list. These happen and they’re certainly worthy of noting. Gratitude can also be found in the every day. It might be that you are particularly grateful that you have awaken to see another day. That you have a pet who provides comfort during a slow morning. Having a partner who notices when you need a glass of water and brings you one without asking. It might be in the acknowledgement of a stranger and a moment of feeling seen. These kinds of things happen around you all the time and are worthy of noting and worthy of gratitude.
Why would someone want to practice gratitude? The benefits of practicing gratitude are two-fold. First, when you’re practicing gratitude and you’re looking for these moments in your life, you are priming your brain to see the positive. Many of our brain are only primed to see the negative or the extraordinary. We believe that great should be the norm and our brain doesn’t actually see these events as they happen. Conversely it gives the negative a lot of weight. This starts rewiring that priming action in your brain which allows you to take in the full spectrum of your experiences. Second, by developing this as a practice, you are creating a protective factor against anxiety or depression. I’m not suggesting that gratitude is going to replace a medication or that gratitude makes your life perfect. This is not #blessed life. What it does, is add a level of protection for your brain. It actively fights the lies that anxiety and depression tell you. It is another tool to add to your arsenal.
If you struggle with practicing gratitude or find that you are primed particularly for the negative and you’re interested in changing that, click the button below and let’s have a conversation.