You Are Responsible For Your Own Healing
Every person on Earth can say at one point or another that their parents or caregiver did the best that they could and that at times the best their caregiver could do did not meet what they needed at the time. Each and every one of us. It’s a reality of being a human being and being raised by other imperfect human beings. And that’s not any of our fault. However, what you do following experiencing that pain is very much up to you. We are all responsible for our own healing.
This is a tough concept for a lot of people, especially if and when the ways that their needs were not met is particularly egregious. It feels unfair to have to fix something they didn’t break and resolve pain that they did not cause. It is. It’s absolutely unfair. And there is a saying that if you don’t heal from what hurt you, then you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you. Your healing being your responsibility is in service of you have the life that you want moving forward and to not be forever hindered by the pain that was inflicted upon you. It is putting you back into a more empowered place.
What can healing look like? This is deeply personal experience and will certainly be tailored for each person and their particular pain. Here are some things that healing CAN look like but do not HAVE to look like. 1. Identifying triggers and understanding their development. 2. Learning how to sit with discomfort and navigate those triggers. 3. Learning how to regulate your nervous system to allow you to respond to triggers rather than react to them.
These three steps can help you to create your own closure and build the life that you want. Even in the absence of an apology or acknowledgement of the pain caused by the person to caused it. We’ve created a belief that the only way to have closure is to have a direct conversation with the person who harmed us and so often that does not happen and it again becomes out own responsibility to sort out that experience and the resulting feelings to give yourself a path forward.
Therapy can be a safe place to start this healing process. It creates a safe container to start exploring what happened to you and why you do the things that you do. By working with a therapist to do this, you’re allowing yourself to have a guide through this journey. They can help you recognize when you’re starting to get dysregulated and work with you in the moment to regulate in the face of your triggers. They can help you break down this work into manageable pieces to reduce overwhelm. And, in the less tangible, they can help you build a relationship where it is okay to look at these scarier parts of your story and know that you won’t be alone.
Healing is hard. It’s certainly not linear and evidence that it’s a work in progress can pop up in the most unexpected places. Pain does not have to be your end point, however. When you are ready to take ahold of your healing, it opens up your ability to be the architect of your own life. This is not about absolving others or ensuring that others are forgiving. This is service of giving you the peace that you deserve. If this is something you think you might be ready to explore, click the button below and let’s start the conversation.